Friday, August 25, 2000

He put his hand to my chest and felt my heart beat at 100 miles per hour.

Today was my last day at work. I'm sure that it should have felt a lot different than it did, but all I felt was that I was going home after a regular day's work. My sister and my dad have departed for Fry's and REI to pick up stuff she needs for college. Each day it hits me more and more that my sister is leaving us. Since the beginning of this whole fiasco, starting at the beginning of last year, I've been telling my dad that I won't miss Alexis. I guess I was afraid to admit my weakness. My dad knows that I love Alexis. I'm not sure if Alexis knows, or rather knows to what extent, but neither have any idea how much this has hurt. There's 8 boxes sitting stacked up in the hallway right now, and they keep growing. They hold all the things Alexis has been gathering her whole life. Her whole life will be packed up and either put in the attic or shipped to New Hampshire. I'm sure it hurts her a lot more, but some of the memories are also mine, and I will miss them almost as much.

On a different note, SCHOOL starts in 5 days. Only 5!!!! This summer was completely wasted in my eyes, except for the amount of money I have made. I've been able to spend it wisely. I bought a Canon Powershot S10 Digital Camera off eBay last night, and I was completely giddy in the last 10 minutes of the auction. My heart was beating so rapidly, especially when it got down to the last minute, and I was trying to refresh the window, and it took way too long. After I knew I had won, I went to tell Daddy in the living room, and made him feel my heartbeat. He said, "That's sick, Rachel. You need a boyfriend,". I suppose he's right. My only true relationship right now is with the goddamned computer, and that is really quite sick. I wish I knew how to find good guys though. It's quite hard when you go to an all-girls school, you know.

Tomorrow morning at 11:30 I'm meeting Melanie Salter at the UCLA Boathouse. She's going to be a senior next year, and I think she's rowed for the last two years or something. Her mother and my father are buddies, cuz they run the Lost and Found at our school. My dad cleans the moldy lunchboxes and her mom supervises the pickups and sales. Melanie's mom had mentioned to my dad that he should get me involved with crew, and when I heard about it, it sounded wonderful. Not only will I get back into shape, but I will also make more friends, and *hopefully* meet some decent boys. So tomorrow she's going to show me around the boat house, and maybe I'll take some private lessons before I start with the team. I'm in terrible shape. The last sport I played was swimming in 7th grade, and I sucked anyway. This might be something that I'm actually proud of and maybe good at, so I'm glad I can nip it in the bud and get started now. It's also a ticket into some colleges, cuz there aren't as many rowers as there are soccer players, basketball players, volleyball players, etc. Let's just say I'm quite looking forward to this. It could be my big break!

My list of CD's that I want is growing. Right now I've got 15 items on the list, and I want them equally bad. I'm quite shameful in my spending when I actually have money. My checkbook is my new friend, and my new Visa checkcard is my new *best* friend. God, who doesn't love the word Visa? It just slithers off your tongue and leaves you with a sense of giddyness and a feeling of maturity and responsibility. I don't know about you, but I *thrive* upon maturity and responsibility. Oh yeah, and giddyness. They provide me with my inertia.

Well, I promised to write a journal entry two days ago, and here I am. Doesn't seem like I'm too good at this, does it? I'm growing, slowly, yet surely. I may wait ten days between entries, but that doesn't mean I forget, it just means that my life is sometimes too incredibly boring that no one would really want to hear about it.